Monday, April 9, 2012

What not to say to someone with Bipolar Disorder


I was trying to come up with something more creative and personal to write about tonight but to no avail.   I seem to have quite the case of writers block this evening.   So I'm just going to briefly discuss ten things NOT to say to someone with Bipolar Disorder.  These are things I, and anyone else with Bipolar Disorder would find to be extremely hurtful and insensitive. 

What NOT to say to someone with Bipolar disorder  
  1. Snap out of it/Get over it 
  2. You have so many things to be thankful for, how can you be depressed?
  3. You’d feel better if you stopped taking all those ‘pills’
  4. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger
  5. I Know how you feel / I understand how you feel
  6. This too shall pass
  7. Everybody has bad days
  8. You’d feel better if you prayed more
  9. You can choose to feel better
  10. There are a lot of people worse off than you
This is not a comprehensive list of things not to say to someone with Bipolar Disorder, you can browse the web and find so many more.  These are the 10 that stuck out to me that I felt necessary to mention.  These can really be transferred to any mental illness they are not in any way exclusive to Bipolar Disorder.

Sounds stupid doesn’t it?

Saying these things can be extremely hurtful especially at a time when the individual it is said to is experiencing a manic or depressive episode.

Say the following out loud and think about how stupid it sounds…

You just lost your spouse… Snap out of it, you’ll be fine
You’re diabetic… You’d feel better if you stopped taking those insulin shots
You have cancer… I know how you feel….
You just lost your spouse… no big deal, everyone has bad days
You’re diabetic… You’d feel better if you prayed more
You’ve got MS… Don’t worry about it, there are a lot of people worse off than you

Every last one of them sounds absolutely absurd and ridiculous.  It sounds just as absurd and ridiculous when you replace any one of those circumstances with Bipolar Disorder.  Bipolar Disorder is an illness just like any other, it is in illness of the brain but nonetheless no different or less important than an illness of the body.

What do these things relay to an individual with Bipolar Disorder?

Saying these insensitive things to someone with Bipolar disorder is the equivalent of saying:
  • It is their choice to be sick and they could choose not to be sick
  • Their illness is not serious
  •  Their treatment is invalid
  • Their pain doesn’t matter
  • They’ll be fine, they just need to wait for the pain to end
  • Their illness is no different than anyone else’s problems                                                                                                                                                                   
You would never tell someone with cancer that they chose it
OR
Someone with MS that their illness is not serious
OR
Someone with diabetes that their use of insulin is an invalid treatment
OR 
 Someone with MS that their pain doesn’t matter
OR
 Someone who just lost their spouse that they’ll be fine they just need to wait for the pain to end
OR
Someone with Cancer that their illness is no different than someone's day to day problems
SO
Please don’t say any of that to someone with a mental illness!

  • Bipolar Disorder is NOT a choice 
  • Bipolar Disorder is serious
  • Medication is necessary
  • The pain of mania and depression does matter- it is real and it matters
  • When dealing with a manic or depressive episode we don’t want to hear that we will be just fine and we just have to wait for the pain to end.  It doesn’t work that way- we have to work hard to get past it.  That kind of thing doesn’t happen on its own it takes a lot of strength and hard work.  Please don’t discount the hard work we have put into overcoming our illness.
  • Bipolar Disorder is very different than someone’s day to day problems- again please never discount all the hard work it takes to overcome.

“If your presence can’t add value to my life, your absence will make no difference”

Thanks for reading! Until Next time…

-Kissing Stigma Goodbye-

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