Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Tomorrow Is a New Day

Tomorrow Is a New Day
By: Sara Breidenstein

Day after day the story remains the same. With each passing day, three things are guaranteed to me. The sunrises, the sunsets, and I feel pain. They always say, “tomorrow is a new day.” I wonder to myself what that means! Why do they always say this to me? What about tomorrow makes it different than today?

Nothing ever changes! The sunrises, the sunsets, and I feel pain.

The smile I put on is still fake, the happiness I’ve desired since my teenage years remains missing, the misery that has grown so devoted to me never strays far, the hope that the sun won’t rise for me tomorrow never ends.

Nothing ever changes! The sunrises, the sunsets, and I feel pain.

“Tomorrow is a new day,” they say! I don’t need a new day! I need a new life!

Some tell me they love me, some tell me they care. While others watch from afar and don’t say a word. I don’t think they even care. I don’t think they ever really cared. Some tell me to keep holding on because happiness will come. I wonder where they get this information from. I’ve known unhappiness for much of my life.  Happiness has skipped over me; it doesn’t plan to come. They make this up so I’ll keep holding on. They think they’re being encouraging but they're just being liars!

I’ll never understand why the few that care, say they want me to remain here on this earth. The misery is too much to handle but they want me to stay. They want me here for their own happiness. I only stay here for those that I love! I don’t want to hurt them. I don’t want to disappoint them. I stay alive so they can have happiness. Who am I to mess with their happiness?

I conceal my pain as much as I can. I smile on the outside while my heart sheds tears on the inside. I don’t know what happiness is, I’ve never had the chance to know.  I’ve tried so hard to find this thing called happiness but it doesn’t seem to exist. Instead, I’ve become accustomed to pretending to have happiness.

Sometimes I just lose it. Sometimes I can’t handle it anymore. I scream and I cry but no one understands. The next day is back to the normal routine. The next day I return to the happiness game. I keep playing and playing but I never do win.

Nothing ever changes. Every day is the same. The sunrises, the sunsets, and I feel pain.


withallmyheart said...

I hear you, Sarah. I hear your pain, and you are expressing it loudly and clearly. How can I help? What can we do to help you? I am reaching out because I know "that" pain. It is dark and full of deceit. That pain does not allow for any sunlight.
I hope you can get the help you deserve - to be able to make it to the 'next day'. I hear that you are struggling. Please hang on -- if only for those that love you. Your friend, Leslie

Sara Breidenstein said...

Thanks Leslie. I may go to the hospital tomorrow. I have 12 days off of work after tomorrow. Not really the kind of time off I was hoping for but sometimes there's just no other option. Thank you for your kind words!