So by now I’ve discussed what low self-esteem is and how
mental illness and self-esteem issues feed off of each other. But, what can we do to improve our
self-esteem? Mental illness is not a life sentence to low self-esteem! We as
individuals- both individuals with and without mental illness- can take
measures to improve our self-esteem. You
owe it to yourself to take those steps! If you struggle with low self-esteem,
do yourself a favor and begin that journey down the road towards improved
self-esteem, you will thank yourself for it! Just so you know, this comes from
personal experience. I still have room
for improvement but my self-esteem is markedly better than it had been and it
feels truly AMAZING!
Self-esteem is how you view yourself. To change your self-esteem from low to high
you must change how you view yourself from negative to positive. Sounds simple
put like that, huh? Well, it takes a lot
of hard work and self-awareness but it is possible (trust me!).
Take notice of when you are thinking negative thoughts about
yourself. Work really hard to change
these negative thoughts into positive ones.
When you catch yourself thinking negatively about yourself, change the
flow and direction of your thoughts into something positive. There are different patterns of negative thinking,
start to recognize which patterns you have fallen into.
These are the 6 patterns of negative thinking:
- All-or-nothing
thinking- Seeing things as either all good or all bad. For example…”If I do not succeed at this task
then I must be a total failure”.
-
Mental
filtering- You distort your view of a person or a situation to only see the
negatives. For example, believing that a mistake you made at work or at school
will make everyone think that you’re not up for the job or smart enough for
school.
- Converting
positives into negatives- Not accepting your achievements, not giving
yourself enough credit for your achievements.
For example, “I only did well on that assignment because it was easy”.
(I was the queen of this one- never gave myself credit for anything I had
accomplished in life- this is one that I could still use a little work on)
- Jumping
to negative conclusions- You jump to negative conclusions for no reason at
all. Like believing someone is mad at
you because they did not respond to your text message within an hour or so.
(this was another one of my biggies)
- Mistaking
feelings for facts- Confusing how you feel or your beliefs on something
with what the facts are. For example, “I
feel like a failure so I must be a failure” or “I believe that I am ugly so I
must be ugly”.
- Self-put-downs-
Undervaluing yourself, putting yourself down, using self-critical humor, etc.
Example: “I don’t deserve anything better than this” or “I am stupid and will never
amount to anything”, etc.
It may be a good idea
for a week or two to record your negative thoughts as you notice them so that
you can determine which patterns of negative thinking your thoughts fall into.
If you already have it figured out then good for you… don't stop there!
So you’ve identified your negative thinking patterns and
have made the vow to begin recognizing negative thinking. Now, how do you
actually change that thinking? Start making an effort to incorporate the
following into your daily life:
- Make a concerted effort to be a “glass half
full” individual as opposed to a “glass half empty” individual. Be positive and be hopeful!
- Forgive yourself for the mistakes you make. Everyone makes mistakes; it doesn’t make you
a failure or a bad person. Use mistakes as a learning opportunity.
- Avoid thinking/using words that may lead to
unreasonable demands or expectations being placed on yourself, like words such
as “should” or “must”.
- Think about the good things in your life, things
that have gone well, accomplishments you’ve made, etc. Focus on the
positive! If you need help identifying positive aspects of your life go to your
friends, family, coworkers, classmates, etc. for some help- they are not nearly
as hard on you as you are on yourself.
- Use negative thoughts as cues to develop new,
healthy patterns. Don’t react negatively to negative thoughts; instead change
them to positive thoughts.
- Encourage yourself. Give yourself credit. Acknowledge when you meet goals. So on and so
forth!
- Take the time to sit down and write a list of
positive things about yourself. If
you’re having trouble thinking of them ask other people in your life to help
you. Use that list to change your
thoughts to positive when you are thinking negatively until you are able to
change the direction of your thoughts without using the list. If you need to carry it with you, then do it!
Whatever works best for you! Eventually you want to be thinking positively
about yourself so that you no longer need to make the effort to change your negative
thoughts into positive thoughts!
Some more things to remember that will help you increase
your self-esteem:
You are NOT perfect! I am NOT perfect! NOBODY is perfect! Do
NOT aim for perfection! Aiming for perfection is only going to result in
perceived failure which will bring your self-esteem down. Humans are not made
to be perfect. Instead aim to make accomplishments and meet goals. If you are
always aiming for perfection you will be holding yourself back and bringing
your self-esteem down further.
You can’t change everything; you don’t have control over
everything. Know what you can change and what you can’t change. You can work
towards changing your weight; you can’t work towards changing your height. Don’t get stuck on the things you can’t
change. If you are unhappy with
something you can change, then what are you waiting for? Change it! If you are
unhappy with something you can’t change then begin the process of learning to
accept and love yourself, every part of you.
Don’t beat yourself up for something you can’t change! It is part of who
you are- learn to love it!
Set goals! Make a plan! Stick to it! Accomplishing goals
works wonders for the self-esteem.
Be proud of yourself! Be proud of your opinions! Be proud of
your ideas! Force yourself to step outside your comfort zone and express your
opinions and ideas. Never feel scared to let your voice be heard!
Do something to make a difference- volunteer, participate in
a walkathon for a cause you believe in, any idea you can think of to give back. For me, my blog fills that void for me!
EXERCISE! EXERCISE! EXERCISE! (I personally suggest early
morning workouts- they are the best and keep you going all day, at least in my
opinion they are the best, they are my new found love in life. I know not
everyone has the desire to get up at 5 a.m. to workout but make sure you work
out at some point at least a few days a week)
The major thing is really to become aware of your thoughts and feelings
and take the steps needed to change them! Turn those negatives into positives- in due time you won’t have to put any effort into the positive thoughts because
you will be viewing yourself in a positive light.
USE YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY FOR SUPPORT!
They already believe in you, let them help you believe in yourself!
I always welcome e-mails;
I have recently been through a good bit in regards to my own personal self-esteem
and relationship issues, please feel free to e-mail me if you have any personal
or general questions for me. I
will answer anything asked to the best of my ability and completely honestly. Of course, I am not an expert but I am
speaking from personal experience and am always willing to share more details
with my readers. I will always respond to any reader’s e-mails.
Next blog positing… “Psychosis”…
Fun stuff, stay tuned!
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“Believe in your
dreams and they may come true; believe in yourself and they will come true” –Unknown
Thanks for reading! Until Next time…
-Kissing Stigma Goodbye-
